By Jorge Lopez Morales
October 15, 2029
NEW YORK, N.Y. — Last night’s interview on “The Tonight Show” with the New Confederacy’s ambassador to the United States, John Fetterman, is going viral after host Michelle Obama showed visible confusion about his bizarre answers.
“Look, secession is going great for us. We’re the first anti-woke country in the world and we’ve got tons of investment, tons of opportunities,” said Fetterman, who was a senator from Pennsylvania in the former United States of America.
“I don’t know what ‘first anti-woke country’ means,” interjected Obama, a former U.S. first lady. “But I do see your health outcomes are worse than before secession, enrollment in higher education is down. And the investment? You’re talking about Russia and Elon Musk, right? Those deals they’ve been cutting with Trump Jr.?”
After Fetterman suggested Obama was “jealous of how hot our first lady is,” the host responded, “What’s wrong with you?” to applause from the studio audience.
Obama also pressed Fetterman on his pivot from being a once-nationally prominent Democrat to his support for Israel’s killing of Palestinians and his final embrace of the New Confederacy.
“I want you to know I’m serious when I ask this, because I am genuinely concerned about what the stroke did to your health and I’m empathetic to what you went through. Did that play a role in this evolution, shall we say?” she asked.
Fetterman replied that he “now sees clearly through the B.S.” and has “never felt better.”
“I realized I could be in a country of winners, and now I am,” he said. “You should move your show there. You’d get better ratings.”
“Yeah, no, I’m good,” said Obama.
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