The Alternate Times

By Mary Sue Carmichael, Publisher of The Alternate Times

September 19, 2029

Yesterday afternoon, I received an email informing The Alternate Times that New Confederate President Donald Trump Jr. will no longer allow our reporters access to the Donald J. Trump Presidential Palace, meaning we will not be present for presidential announcements, press conferences, or meetings with heads of state.

As the publisher of The Alt Times, my response is: You have no idea who you’re dealing with.

Our reporters have sources across the New Confederate government and they know where to dig for information. Trump is scared that they might ask him an embarrassing question in person? No problem, our outlet will obtain the confidential memo directly and write about exactly what the president is thinking without his trademark belligerence when he knows the cameras are watching him.

In fact, just as I sat down to write this, I heard from two people within the Presidential Palace that Press Secretary Erika Kirk asked junior staffers to riffle through our reporters’ former desks to see if they left behind “any good stuff.” Stay classy, ma’am.

Needless to say, The Alt Times continues to have unfettered access to the Ocasio-Cortez administration, which had its work cut out for it in restoring respect for press freedom across the U.S. government following secession.

People have asked me whether I am going to challenge our exclusion from the Presidential Palace. I haven’t made any decisions yet. But I intend for this outlet’s work to outlast Donald Trump Jr., to outlast his authoritarian impulses, and possibly to outlast the New Confederacy itself.

Mary Sue Carmichael is the publisher of The Alternate Times.