The Alternate Times

By Darlene Sampson

September 17, 2029

While I support our country’s efforts to keep transgender ideology out of our schools and locker rooms, I am growing concerned about the lack of regulation for our genital inspectors.

Like all of us, I agree that we need to be making sure our girls’ sports teams feature only biological girls as players. And the most efficient way to do that is to look at the private parts of team members, politely and without any perversion.

I have teenage girls who play soccer. We are fortunate that two very fine people, an older married couple, have volunteered to do preseason inspections on my daughters and their friends. There have been no complaints, and they always bring candy to make the experience better.

But I have heard from moms at other schools who do not feel comfortable at all with their inspectors. Some athletic programs allow unmarried men in their 20s to volunteer, which is obviously problematic. Another school, whose team was facing disqualification because they could not find anyone to do the legally required inspection, wound up using someone who had multiple DUI convictions.

The law is well-intentioned and I would not necessarily want to change it. But if upstanding members of the community do not step up to perform the vital task of weeding out transgender from our girls’ teams, one day we could be putting these children at a greater risk if their genital inspector is an actual criminal or deviant. At the least, we should be requiring background checks for people who want to do it for the right reasons.

It would be a shame to get rid of genital inspections because of too much weirdness.

Darlene Sampson is a regional retail manager who lives in Orlando.